Quality Time
by Keiran
Summary: Due to an unfortunate chain of events, Goku is spending some quality time with Sanzo, without the threat of smacking, shooting or other abuse. And they both wish they were somewhere else.


Author: Keiran  
Title: Quality Time 1/1  
Rating: PG  
Genre: general, humour.  
Warnings: same as for canon, pretty much.  
Disclaimer: I do not own Saiyuki. The following is strictly for entertainment purposes.

Notes: It seemed amusing at the time.

xxx.XXX.xxx

Chains of unfortunate events have a disturbing tendency to unfold fast and progress until the amount of possible accidents overruns their probability quota for the day. In this particular case, it was a particularly vicious expression of coincidence, involving a meatbun, a flock of flamingos, a frightened Jeep, an overenthusiastic demon attack and a ruined castle. As a result, Goku was spending some quality time with Sanzo, sans the paper fan, cigarettes and general violence. Excluding verbal.

Needless to say, he fervently hoped it will be over as soon as possible.

Sanzo went through the phase of swearing and cursing up a storm in general a while ago, and progressed to creatively insulting individuals responsible for his current predicament. He cursed the meatbuns and the flamingos. He cursed the Jeep. He cursed Gojyo, because he knew damn well what was going to happen the moment this absolutely idiotic situation was rectified.

"I swear, if that brain-dead moron says as much as a fucking word, I'll blow his brains to hell. And of course you just had to move, you stupid ape. You couldn't just stay fucking still, could you," he raged, growling. It wasn't like he could do much more.

Goku sighed to himself heavily and lowered his head. Spending quality time with Sanzo would be so much better if a gag was at hand.

"Take that mop out of my face, you ape!"

… or the quarters a little more extensive.

"There ain't exactly a whole lot of places I can put it, okay?"

"Just keep it out of my face!"

The feeling of being trapped was bad, Goku felt. The claustrophobia was a little worse. The substantial amount of debris was unexpected, but nothing he couldn't handle.

The earlier collision with Sanzo, who was dodging a falling rock was conceivably understandable. The fact that Goku was, at the time, in the process of regaining his balance, was still within the acceptable levels. The part where they both lost their footing and rolled downhill like a single sack of potatoes was a minor irritation in the grand scheme of things.

Spending an hour hovering on his elbows and knees, trying to maintain some sort of balance on gravel – now that was mind-boggling. Goku's back hurt, where he got hit by a random rock. His shoulders ached, and his neck was beginning to protest as well; the rest of him was going numb. He wasn't a monk to spend hours upon hours pretending he's a rock. It'd been more than an hour already, he didn't think he'd ever spent this much time unmoving. Not even unconscious. It was driving him crazy.

Sanzo was, quite understandably, in a fit of un-priestly rage. Good thing he ended up on the bottom of the small pile, or else Goku might have had to start fearing for his head. Luckily, the blond was pinned, quite thoroughly. Thank heavens for small blessings. Of course, that meant the demonactually had to put up with the hovering – though it wasn't like there was enough space between them to insert a meatbun – and not just rest. By some miracle, they ended up rolling into a ditch in the ground, one-man wide, and the debris, instead of filling the gap, covered it. They were lucky not to end up pancake-flat.

"I'm hungry," Goku said mournfully.

"When are you not hungry, idiot," Sanzo grumbled and started to wiggle.

"Dunno. Bound to happen sometime," Goku replied earnestly. He was a little curious himself. "D'you think Hakkai and Gojyo will find us soon?"

"I fucking hope not!" the monk growled, despite the outside evidence to the contrary. The castle was made of large pieces. They could hear the fight ending and the rescue mission commencing quite well.

"It's uncomfortable!"

"I don't want the bloody cockroach anywhere near here!" Sanzo hissed under his breath.

"My legs are falling asleep!"

"Wake them the hell up then!"

"It's not like there's space here!" Goku countered somewhat angrily. **He** didn't go round firing randomly at the bloody containers by the wall, now did he?

"Then don't move!"

"But my legs hurt!"

Sanzo made en effort to indicate he didn't give a flying fuck. Unfortunately, his preferred method of not giving a flying fuck included a snort and a spirited shrug. Snort was easily accomplished. The shrug, however, became a rather violent full-body jerk. Not exactly advisable in very small, enclosed spaces, especially with unstable construction elements hovering directly above, propped by little more than gravel.

Goku felt pebbles moving underneath his knees. He yelped at the same time as just about everything around them shifted, his knees and hands sliding in opposite directions, just as most of the ceiling was removed.

"Well, whaddya know! There really is something swishy about his holiness," they heard a voice, an obvious herald of a smirk. Possibly days of it.

"You fucking idiot!" Sanzo screamed, once he managed to shove Goku off far enough to inhale.

"Excuse us for attempting to rescue you. Next time we'll let you smooch in peace." Gojyo was aware that this remark would cost him days, most likely weeks, of sleeping with one eye open. He was also quite certain it would be worth every damn minute.

The red-head was of the opinion that things which made Sanzo gain a colour other than sickly-white ought to be catalogued and displayed. As often as possible. And luckily enough, Hakkai was just helping Goku up, while the kappa ran from the bullets.

**END.**


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